The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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