You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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