I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
