I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
