Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
soo... how was my night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize