she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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