3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
