I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
