Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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