covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
