White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
