Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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