I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
