You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
