Where is the hickey?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
