She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize