I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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