I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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