Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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