Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can i not drive my cunt home
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
