The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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