I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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