Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
