I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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