People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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