Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
