Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize