Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
