I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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