Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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