i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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