I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
