Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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