I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
