brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
