"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were trust falling into bushes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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