Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
