I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
