Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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