I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
