my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need moral support for this bender
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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