You work out of a Hotel?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
