We're like a lot better than the average bears
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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