Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
