she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
