If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize