dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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