This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
