with your own penis?
Sponge bath it is.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
