Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
