i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
