So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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