If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize