Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
