I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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