I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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