I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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