she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
