i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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