She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
