I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize