My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
