Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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