I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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