I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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