Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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