i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
