When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Holy sore nipples Batman
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
