Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
